I woke
up around 4a.m. & I couldn’t get back to sleep. My brain kicks into gear
& then it just swirls from one thing to another… a spiral of anxiety woven
very rapidly! I knew I had to get it under control before it went too far, so I
began to pray. Lately there have been so many times I really don’t even know
what to say when I pray… sometimes all I can say is, “I trust You, Lord.”
Sometimes I just say the name of Jesus! There is power in His name! Jesus tells
us in John 14:13 that whatever we ask in His name, He will do, that the Father
may be glorified in the Son. For me… just calling out His name brings peace of
mind!
In my “grown-up”
life I have pretty much always played it safe… although the last 10 years has
brought a little more unpredictability at times. I guess that happens when you
choose to step-out in faith… our move to Lake City 10 years ago was a big step
for me. Then deciding to follow a God-given dream to move to Ludington was a “crazy”
giant step! Through these times I never felt unsafe or insecure of the future…
not that any of it was easy… hope was always at hand… I could see it, because
God had given me a vision for it all!
I am
not sure why this business adventure Luke/we are trying to get off the ground
is knocking me for a loop! I know my dear hubby has searched for wisdom from
God… I believe that Luke will do excellent as a crop consultant… it is perfect
for his gifting! So why am I letting fear of the future consume me at times???
I know
many people can’t understand why we are doing what we are doing… I don’t
understand it either, from a human point of view… and for the most part peoples’
opinions really don’t matter to me! We are both in our 50’s! How crazy is it to
start down this unpredictable path???
All of
a sudden, I was just wondering why am I writing this & what is the point…
but as I’m writing down these thoughts, I am seeing more of what is really going
on with me… it all goes back to TRUST! With the B&B God gave me a very
clear vision of how it should be… He painted pictures in my heart & mind…
it was all very real & tangible to me! With Luke’s business, which he has
named “Shining Legends Agronomy”, is all in his heart & mind… I can’t see
the vision or even understand much of what he does or how it all works! The
only real part I can play in it is to support Luke & trust that he is following
what God is guiding him to do!
Oh
man! Why does it have to be TRUST???!!! You can’t touch it… you can’t taste it…
you can’t hear it… you just have to surrender to it! That is really the only
way to have peace of mind! It sounds so easy… but it’s not… it really is not!
I came
across something I wrote 4 years ago today:
“PEACE – complete surrender to God’s will; letting His breath breathe
life into my soul; trusting completely that God has it all under control,
regardless of what it looks like to me… there is no PEACE without faith.
For He who would love life and see
good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking
deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek PEACE and pursue
it. 1 Peter 3:10-11”
This is a battle for me… I know God
is stretching me & growing my faith. I am not trying to whine… I am just
trying to be honest & real… hoping that whoever reads this might get a
glimpse of what God has for them through my testimony! I am just a work in
progress… I must be because I have big old growing pains!
“Who shall separate us from
the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, distress, persecution, famine,
nakedness, peril, or sword?... Yet in all these things we are more than
conquerors through Him who loved us.” ~ Romans 8:35 & 37
Rejoicing in Truth!
Carin
